The past two years have felt as if the world is swirling around me in a mass of confusion and disarray. Many times, I have tried and failed to shed some light where it all was leading – for surely, there had to be some point to the agony I was enduring. But the cheating, the divorce, the depression, the anger – it all seemed to come at once in a dark and furious cloud, a wall of smoke blocking out any sense of rhyme or reason. The future seemed distant and uncertain, and most alarmingly of all, completely opaque.
Through it all, I have learned to embrace the ambiguity. I take life less seriously. I laugh more. I compete less. I take more risks, and l feel okay when some of them don’t work out.
But now, for the first time in two years, I am taking a new kind of risk. One that makes me feel the same kind of excitement I used to before I grew up too soon. One that somehow, I know isn’t a risk at all. Because though the world continues to swirl around me, I can finally see through the chaos. Every disappointment, every misstep – I understand now that it was all bringing me to this moment in time. To this opportunity for a life I never dreamed for myself. One that I know I am going to love even more than the life I had planned.
The past two years have come with a lot of rejection and pain, and they took me to a point where I wasn’t sure what I deserved out of life anymore. After you reach that bottom, it’s amazing how grateful you are when things start to fall into place.
Today, I am exceeding grateful to announce that I am moving to Manhattan on Wednesday. I’ll be leaving my current job and company for an incredible opportunity that I could not be more excited to take on. I feel alive. I feel excited. I feel that I am at the center of my own life, knowing that anything could happen, but also taking control of what comes next.
There’s a kind of magic in the air that I can’t quite put my finger on. I have a good feeling about this, you guys. Wish me luck.