• Guest Post: Top Three Reasons Why My Mom is an Idiot

    by  • March 29, 2012 • Laugh • 9 Comments

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    Written by Kinzie, the better-looking and far superior version of her RFTL mom

    [you see what I mean?]

    Okay, listen up. My mom is pretty cool and all, but lately we’ve been in a fight. She took away my favorite pink chew shoe because she said she needed to wear it to work. As if anyone looks at her dumb ass shoes.

    Anyway, the point is that the bitch took my shoe and I’m pissed. So I took her blog, and I am here to tell you a few things about mommy dearest, and why I sometimes consider her to be an enormous idiot.

    1. She makes my hair look dumb. I have places to go and people to impress, you imbecile.

    [no one is going to take me seriously with a fucking mow hawk]

    2. She closes the bedroom door when she leaves, as if I’m meant to do my napping on this cheap ass fucking dog bed. Dog beds are for poor dogs and ugly dogs, mom. I have a sensitive back that requires memory foam.

    [you will pay for this]

    3. Sometimes, she makes me dress up like Santa’s little helper. However, since she is too cheap to buy my taller frame a new santa suit, I look like a hell of a lot like an elf hooker. Now I know my ass is fucking adorable, but if you’re putting me in a dress, at least attempt to give me some modesty. It’s like she thinks I will be prowling the streets looking for suitors. Please, mom. I’m not you.

    [you can't buy me a bigger size once a year, asshole?]

    Obvi, I could list a lot of other stupid shit my idiot mother pulls on a daily basis. But since I’m getting hungry and it took me like seven hours to type this with my paws, I’ll leave it at three.

    And just because I know she will be totally pissed when she reads this, I will say that she has her good points. She lets me lick her face in the mornings and has given me like seven bunny toys because I love ripping them apart. She also picks up all of my shit, and you know that means love. I love you, mom. I just wish you would give me my fucking shoe back.

    XOXO

    Kinzie

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    I'm a 25-year-old ex-wife who spends most of her time cooking and chasing silly men around.

    9 Responses to Guest Post: Top Three Reasons Why My Mom is an Idiot

    1. Lauren
      March 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

      AHAHAHA this is everything I could ever want or imagine Kinzie. You are hilarious – time to rest the paws :)

    2. steve
      March 30, 2012 at 10:29 am

      I think you may want to buy a new dress for Kinize, cause I agree it does make her look like Santa’s hooker. Great post.
      PS, The problems with the new site address seems to keep occurring. PS, The problems with the new site address seems to keep occurring. No ‘like’ button, and sometimes I am following, sometimes I am a poor, unknown stranger. I.e., the ‘email required’ fields were not ‘titled’ or marked as required, yet my comment erred. I signed up again.

      • Ring Finger Tan Line
        March 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm

        Trying to iron out all of the details still…. definitely a work in progress! Bear with me!

    3. steve
      March 30, 2012 at 10:33 am

      I also pasted the draft for the third time and it has lots of errors! Oooops.

    4. Whitney
      March 30, 2012 at 2:10 pm

      Kinzie is just like her mother…

      • Ring Finger Tan Line
        March 30, 2012 at 2:26 pm

        I can see the connection. We both love shoes.

    5. March 30, 2012 at 6:15 pm

      Dear Kinzie,

      Your mommie is one of the funniest people I know, and I haven’t even actually met her. And YOU get the pleasure of being in the presence of her wit and hilarity 24/7. Quit your bitching.

      Love,
      Bettie

      • Ring Finger Tan Line
        April 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm

        Dear Bettie,

        I apologize for my delayed response, but mom seems to guard her computer more carefully since my post.

        I agree that she is pretty funny. Except when she eats in front of me and doesn’t give me any. That’s just mean.

        XOXO,
        Princess Kinzie

    6. Pingback: Guest Post: Reasons 4-6 Why My Mom is an Idiot | Ring Finger Tan Line

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