• Brains for Boobs: A Fair Trade?

    by  • March 9, 2012 • Laugh, Sex & Dating • 37 Comments

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    Buckle your seat belts (or maybe your bras), because some highly disturbing new poll results have hit the streets.

    A recent British study shows that if given the choice between brains or boobs, an astounding 41% of women go for the gazongas.

    A third of women would even go so far as to trade their IQ points for larger breasts, to which I say: “Please reconsider. It is women like you who need all the IQ points they can get.”

    Over half of women felt that men would be more romantically attracted to a better-endowed version of themselves, while roughly a quarter claimed that larger breasts would make them intrinsically happier. Because it’s widely known that extra pillows of fat bring women such joy.

    Let me tell you something about boobs, ladies. Take it from a 32E: life in the fun-bag lane is a hell of a lot less amusing than the name suggests.

    Before you think about putting your IQ up for auction on the cup-size market, consider the following.

    Yes, bigger-breasted women may get more attention at bars. However, upon closer inspection, you will find that the attention-givers tend to ressemble either child abductors or the host of Tales from the Crypt.

    Yes, bigger breasted women can fill out clothes. They also pop out of those clothes and get confused with prostitutes for sporting a normal tank top. In addition, they must special-order very expensive bras and bathing suits with 3-4 complicated hooks from a plus-sized catalog. How’s that for a confidence-booster?

    Yes, bigger breasted women get attention at the gym. But working out also becomes awkwardly sexual. I hired a personal trainer right before my wedding, and he tried to make me jump-rope in the middle of the gym. Still uncertain whether my flailing breasts or my screaming refusal to do a second set was more awkward.

    images from two beans or not two beans

    Yes, big breasts imply fertility. They also imply a hell of a lot of back pain and unsightly sagging at a young age.

    from someecards

    Women of the world, I implore you. Think long and hard before deciding if larger breasts are the real key to your happiness.

    Because it seems to me Victoria’s real secrets are the boatload of back pain she is hiding and her droves of pedophiliac stalkers.

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    I'm a 25-year-old ex-wife who spends most of her time cooking and chasing silly men around.

    37 Responses to Brains for Boobs: A Fair Trade?

    1. March 9, 2012 at 11:37 am

      Thank you for posting this… small boobies here… While I would like to have them a tad bit bigger cause my hubby seems to enjoy them more… I also know how to make them look like more then they are and that satisfies him, which in turn satisfies me :D I would much rather take the brains anyday!

      • March 9, 2012 at 12:03 pm

        Amen, girlfriend! I like to think I have both, and I’d actually like to reduce the boobs no matter what, even without the bonus of extra IQ!

    2. March 9, 2012 at 11:38 am

      Reblogged this on and commented:
      This I just had to post! What’s your opinion?

    3. March 9, 2012 at 11:41 am

      I completely agree. I actually have DD breasts, and while I know about the “grass is always greener thing,” it still kills me to hear women that have smaller breasts complain. They have no idea lol.

      • March 9, 2012 at 12:03 pm

        For real. It’s a creepy world out there for the well-endowed woman.

    4. PostModernSingle
      March 9, 2012 at 11:52 am

      “It is women like you who need all the IQ points they can get.” – They probably do have boobs for brains.

      It would be interesting to see if there is a correlation between the women who would choose the big breasts and their IQ. I’d propose a follow up study:

      Women who have neither high IQ nor big breasts: which do you want more?
      Women who have high IQ but small breasts: would you trade your IQ for breasts?
      Women who have low IQ but big breasts: would you trade your breasts for IQ?
      Women who have both high IQ and big breasts: which do you appreciate more?

      • March 9, 2012 at 12:04 pm

        I would totally respond to your poll. I appreciate my smarts so much more! Now go gather a couple more thousand responses and we can uncover the correlation between implants and stupidity :)

      • March 10, 2012 at 3:45 pm

        Having both, I prefer my ass.

        Just kidding. Brains obviously.

        • PostModernSingle
          March 10, 2012 at 4:10 pm

          I’m happy with my Cs in the breast dept. Wouldn’t want more.

          I’m happy with my As in the smarts dept. But always willing to add more.

    5. March 9, 2012 at 11:53 am

      I can relate! I’d trade my bodacious tatas for more brains in a second!

    6. Mandytownz
      March 9, 2012 at 11:53 am

      RFTL, I love this post. I vow to use gazongas at least three times today…preferably when inappropriate. Love you! -A

    7. PostModernSingle
      March 9, 2012 at 11:59 am

      PS. The shock absorber bounce-o-metre website will do a good job of convincing you that big gazongas and exercise are a painful and unsightly combo (and that you really should invest in a good sportsbra)

      http://www.shockabsorber.co.uk/bounceometer/shock.html

      • March 9, 2012 at 12:06 pm

        I made the grave mistake of pulling this up at work. I think you just made my male co-worker’s (who happened to be walking by my desk) day.

        • PostModernSingle
          March 9, 2012 at 12:09 pm

          Sorry. Should have warned not safe for work.

    8. March 9, 2012 at 12:05 pm

      Great post. I put a post with your link on http://wrinklequest.blogspot.com
      Thank you for sharing your point of view:-)

      • March 11, 2012 at 9:59 pm

        Thanks!! I love being shared with the rest of the world. I appreciate the link :)

    9. Darci Bodin
      March 9, 2012 at 12:06 pm

      I want a reduction (38DD back to a C) and my husband said “Why would you want to unneccessary surgery” — well let’s talk about him putting my $75-80 bras in the dryer, back aches, stares from creepy people, etc.

      • March 11, 2012 at 10:00 pm

        Seriously, people don’t understand that our bras cost 3x as much AND wear out quicker from all of the “supporting” they have to do. Oh, what it would be like to just be a normal D.

    10. March 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm

      going with the silly and irrelevant concept being able to choose, i find B the most visually attractive.

      is there a similar poll/pole for men and penis size?

      brains are far sexier than gazongas.

    11. March 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

      This made me laugh so hard! Your thing about “Victoria’s real secret” struck me as ironic because, as I’m sure you noticed… they don’t seem to have the “sexy” bras in sizes bigger than a D cup.

      • March 11, 2012 at 10:01 pm

        Yep. I always have to buy pajamas and body lotion with the gift cards people give me, because nobody like the double boob. Nobody.

    12. March 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm

      Those stats are ridiculously mind-blowing. I’m kind of hoping that study was conducted on Rodeo out in Hollywoodland. *SMH* Boobs are boobs, ladies… and I’ll take a woman who looks like Steven Hawking if she can battle wits with him.

      • March 10, 2012 at 4:01 pm

        As a resident of Hollywoodland, I assure it was not. We are not the fake tit capital we once were. Now we’re the unnaturally skinny capital.

        • March 10, 2012 at 4:47 pm

          Ha, nice. Can’t wait to come back and visit.

      • March 11, 2012 at 10:02 pm

        Study was conducted in the UK. I almost feel like us American women would be even dumber, if possible. *sigh*

        • March 11, 2012 at 10:04 pm

          All is not lost. There is still hope, especially with women like the amazing Adele and Anna Nalick on the rise. maybe one day we’ll melt this plastic world and live it real again. Yeah.

    13. ratiomale
      March 9, 2012 at 3:53 pm

      oh RFTL, you know I love you, but I also love fun bags!

      (Not enough to sacrifice intelligence for though…)

      • March 11, 2012 at 10:03 pm

        You are just very lucky to have lady with both fun bags and brains. Count your blessings.

    14. March 9, 2012 at 11:17 pm

      Hysterical!

    15. March 10, 2012 at 9:22 am

      The breasteses are annoying, and I have very small ones! There’s just about nothing there one could trade for anything, but I’d be willing to go completely flat if I could get a few more IQ points.

      I’m still staring at those stats. 41%. REALLY?!

      • March 11, 2012 at 10:04 pm

        41… the percentage of women who are actually stupider than men. Who knew.

    16. March 11, 2012 at 5:02 pm

      I’d rather have smarts than big boobs… but thankfully I already have both so it’s not really an issue. ;)

      • March 11, 2012 at 10:05 pm

        Both is ideal… until the bill for the bras roll in. I’d like to have a high IQ and a balance in the boob world, personally.

    17. March 13, 2012 at 2:51 pm

      Loved your post!
      Women complain about being mistreated and misunderstood, but really we are sometimes our own worst enemies. You can always get breast implants, you can’t get an intelligence implant. Being a B cup all my life, I’m glad i’ve got small ones. I’m over 50 and they don’t sag!
      Ellen
      unexpecteddestinations.com

      • March 15, 2012 at 8:22 am

        I always thought the same – if you want boobs that badly, why dont you go for the higher IQ, make a lot of money, and get implants? Then you will have both. Problem solved.

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