Buckle your seat belts (or maybe your bras), because some highly disturbing new poll results have hit the streets.
A recent British study shows that if given the choice between brains or boobs, an astounding 41% of women go for the gazongas.
A third of women would even go so far as to trade their IQ points for larger breasts, to which I say: “Please reconsider. It is women like you who need all the IQ points they can get.”
Over half of women felt that men would be more romantically attracted to a better-endowed version of themselves, while roughly a quarter claimed that larger breasts would make them intrinsically happier. Because it’s widely known that extra pillows of fat bring women such joy.
Let me tell you something about boobs, ladies. Take it from a 32E: life in the fun-bag lane is a hell of a lot less amusing than the name suggests.
Before you think about putting your IQ up for auction on the cup-size market, consider the following.
Yes, bigger-breasted women may get more attention at bars. However, upon closer inspection, you will find that the attention-givers tend to ressemble either child abductors or the host of Tales from the Crypt.
Yes, bigger breasted women can fill out clothes. They also pop out of those clothes and get confused with prostitutes for sporting a normal tank top. In addition, they must special-order very expensive bras and bathing suits with 3-4 complicated hooks from a plus-sized catalog. How’s that for a confidence-booster?
Yes, bigger breasted women get attention at the gym. But working out also becomes awkwardly sexual. I hired a personal trainer right before my wedding, and he tried to make me jump-rope in the middle of the gym. Still uncertain whether my flailing breasts or my screaming refusal to do a second set was more awkward.
images from two beans or not two beans
Yes, big breasts imply fertility. They also imply a hell of a lot of back pain and unsightly sagging at a young age.
Women of the world, I implore you. Think long and hard before deciding if larger breasts are the real key to your happiness.
Because it seems to me Victoria’s real secrets are the boatload of back pain she is hiding and her droves of pedophiliac stalkers.